Wednesday, September 28, 2011

I'm a MAJOR What-Iffer


This little question consumes my life.

I have never been the type of person that just 
goes with the flow without thinking something through.
I tend to talk myself through  out of everything for fear that I
might not SUCCEED.

My mind is filled with so many ideas, projects, 
and opinions that need to be released,
yet I can't let them out for fear that I may FAIL.
And for some reason I'm afraid people will judge me by my failures.

All these jumbled thoughts and questions swirl
around and around in my head,
until I'm so dizzy I can't make sense of it all.
So, I give in and give up.
I hold myself back from challenges.
I gracefully find a way out of sticky situations.
I stick to what I know and what I have been doing my ENTIRE life.
To put it bluntly, I take the easy way out if I don't feel comfortable.

This blog was one of the first things I have ever done to step outside my comfort zone.
To be put in the spotlight, in front of people I do and don't know.
And quickly, through all your kind comments, I stopped stressing over it 
and started ENJOYING my time with all of you!

But, my everyday WHAT IF's are still there.
And they exhaust me!

What if I can't pay all our bills on time this month?
What if we don't get approved for the loan for a car?
What if Maddy throws ANOTHER tantrum leaving pre-school?
What if that new recipe for dinner doesn't come out good tonight?
What if no one likes anything I want to put in my Etsy shop?
What if the shop starts to take over all my free time with Maddy?
What if Maddy is lonely being an only child?
What if I don't have another child?
What if I DO have another child?
What if I go back to work full time?
What if being a part-time SAHM mom wasn't financially right for us?
What if I'm getting in over my head with the horses?
What if I can't please everyone EVERY DAY?
And the list goes on and on and on....

One of the lovely banners my hubs went to all the trouble to create for me, for Etsy.
A little blurry since I enlarged it but I love it, he's so creative.
This post came about because of the Etsy Shop I have been wanting to open...
I keep putting it off.
Coming up with excuses why I can't open it right now.
And the truth is...
But my mind won't let me do it.

Last night I sat back and had a heart to heart with myself 
about bucking up and following through.
Telling myself that now is as good a time as any.
I'm just one little person in this big old sea of Etsy shops, 
who is going to care if I only have a few items listed?
Then I heard myself start up again...
DO IT RIGHT or DON'T DO IT at all! That's what my mind is saying.
But, what IS right?
This is a new venture, I don't know what's right, or wrong for that matter!

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I never follow through with things that are just for me.
If it involves my family I push through and persevere, 
make sure everything gets done, and done well.
My family comes first, thats how I want it to be.
But, I've come to terms with the fact that I NEED something for me.

Something I can call my own where I don't need to report to anyone else.
Something that may bring in a little money, but mainly that I can support my hobby with.

But, then when I try to push through with the thoughts and ideas that involve just little old me,
I put them on the back burner.
Why? The what if's.
I hate them.

I'm putting this out here because I need a kick in the arse, a little push...
and I need to be held accountable.
So I guess I figure if I post about it, I'm giving myself that little push.
It's out in the public eye.
So, it's time to suck it up and get a move on.

I am giving myself until October 5th to open my Etsy shop.
7 Days.
Can I do it?
I know I can.
Will I do it?
I hope so.
If my mind doesn't get in the way.

Blah. Sometimes I hate being a girl and over thinking things.
How about you??


Nay said...

Yes, me too...more than you know!
Followin' you back from Soleil Selene's bloghop!

Lacey said...

I have the same problem! I always want everything to be just right before I dive in and pursue something. Then, even after I pursue it, I still have the "What Ifs." You just have to turn your mind off for a bit, and get that shop started!! It will turn out fantastic, I'm sure. YOU CAN DO IT!

Sarah {the fontenot four} said...

New follower from soleil selene blog hop. Nice to meet you!

struck said...

Hi! I'm a new follower from the soleil selene blog hop. And about averthinking everything...I'm a libra, and I guess that's an excuse - it takes me 15 minutes to decide which ice cream to get from the store :)

Christa @ Little BGCG said...

You should totally do it otherwise you'll always wonder what if. I'm constantly double guessing myself but you should always go with your first initial instinct

New follower from the Soleil Selene Blog Hop!

Anonymous said...

I am the exact same way!!! I overthink absolutely everything - especially if it's something I'm doing for someone else - a meal, a blog post, EVERYTHIHING! Found you via Soleil Selene, I'm your newest follower!!

Salena @ A Little Piece of Me said...

You could be writing about me! I have no idea how I even got my blog started. I am the queen of what ifs around these parts (my family) and I just hate it.

I love the etsy banner! I tried doing my own and I didn't like it.

Life In The Thrifty Lane said...

Go for it!!!! I opened mine in March and so happy I did :)
I'm your newest follower from Leilani's blog!

Marissa@ Momma Rake said...

You are speaking my language girl! This is the story of my LIFE!! ;)

Andee Eve@ bearing fruit said...

You can do it! I'm cheering you on! I'm looking forward to getting to know you on your blog. Following you from Soleil Selene.

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